Not feeling great

April 14th, 2009

I think I have a bug or something, cold,lightheaded and no energy at all. Everything is an effort at the mo and I am getting angry with hubby for all sorts of reasons. I do feel that he is the one mainly responsible for us getting into the mess we got in and going bankrupt. He has a cavalier attitude to life and sometimes I hate the mess we got in, and the fact he is so laid back and doesnt worry. I get angry that he lets me do everything round the house and garden and I’ve said on more than one occasion that I’m his wife not his mother.

But on the other hand he is always there for me, we have gone through a lot, we love each other and he is my best friend. I am def the stronger one in this relationship but sometimes I feel like yelling at him – look after me for a change!!!!! You do the worrying and fretting, you run the house as well as work for a mardy boss. You make sure we have food i the house, loo roll in the bathroom, petrol in the car.

I do suffer with depression and also have PCOS which is incurable. It isnt as debilitating as MS or anything like that but it is bad and today I have had a gutsful. I am even getting on my own nerves.

take care

1 step

Bad week

April 3rd, 2009

I have just posted about the OR interview which went well and now I want to post about something that made me very angry and guilty……….

Anyone who knows me, knows I adore my animals and would never ill treat them. We had 2 cats, 1 of which left home about a year ago, he lives in the whole street and we see him now and then when he turns up to say hi. He lived 8 of his lives within 6 monthsof discovering the great out door, he has been run over twice, fallen out of a building, been caught up in a car engine and adores rubbing himself against car exhausts. (I think he has a fetish.)

On Tuesday I had a phone call from hubby saying that he’d had a pet inspector (better not say which charity) turn up with the cat saying she wanted to speak to him. So in she went and basically the car loving cat has a huge tumour on his nose and she had taken him to their vets who diagnosed cancer, we were to take him to our vets and she would want to know the outcome. So hubby explained what the cat was actually like, that he’d moved out a long time ago and then she filled out this form – and it wasnt very complimentary. Our neighbours had even said we hadnt seen him and that he was forever getting into trouble and was basically…………….a jack the lad who came home when he felt like it.

So off we went to our vert and we explained what had happened. Car loving cat has cancer on his nose but is otherwise fit and healthy, strong heart etc etc. In all reality he probably has months left but in the meantime she would give him a monthly steroid injection but the minute he goes downhill, well, you can guess. i showed her the forms and she wasnt happy with what had been written. In the meantime car loving cat is purring and dribbling away on her table.

We got home, fed him cuddled him and tried to keep him in. When our backs were turned he legged it out the dog flap. Off to house number 44 probably. Hubby rang the inspector and left a message saying what we had done, what the vet said, what we needed to do and that I felt like a criminal over what had happened. I actually do voluntary work for this charity every Sunday no matter the weather.

So we thought, end of. Gets home the next day to a message on the answerphone – she had only checked up on us by phoning our vet!!!! and she knew about the next injection and would be checking that had been done.

i was furious…………………..I appreciate she had a job to do and that there are many sad cruel cases but come on. So on Sunday I will be seeing the manager at this charity and putting in a complaint at the heavy handed way we were treated and the “treated like nasty humans” attitude. I creid my eyes out after that phone message, we have only just lost one of our dogs and how can you treat an animal who left home? Even my neighbours were shocked at her attitude.

So there we go…………………………………………………………

OR interview

April 3rd, 2009

Thank heavens that is over. She was lovely, really nice and even phoned me on my mobile as I couldnt hear her properly on the house phone.

Hubby had his interview Tuesday and some questions like the mortgage he couldnt really answer “but the wife will, she’s good at that!”. Hmmm. remind me to slap him. So we went through what she needed and I will fax her things on Monday.

Then we went through in depth about when the debts were taken out and what they were for. To be honest some were so long ago I couldnt really remember but she was fine with that. Then we went through the income and expenditure and one thing was changed but I guessed it would be. I had some questions for her about the house and shares I have, the shares are locked in (a company thing I took when I joined) and she will sort all of that out for me so I dont have to worry about contacting people.

We also went through my wage changes as the last 3 months have not been a true figure and again she was happy with that. We have to decide what to do with certain things as although they may not be worth the OR taking them she needs to know what we want to do with them.

She was very grateful that I sent so much paperwork in! and all in order although looking at the floor of this room right now you would think otherwise. i have to fax my failed IVA proposal in as well as mortgage stuff.

I feel shattered now but will have something to eat, tidy up the messy paperwork and go play in the mud – ie do the garden!

Very nervous

March 29th, 2009

We have the OR this coming week. My stuff is straight forward but hubby’s isnt and he has a face to face interview on Tuesday. I never realisd just how much paperwork we had until I sorted it all out. Very worried the OR will take step daughter’s trust fund as it is in hubby’s name. and also worried we will have an IPA/IPO and that the OR will give us a BRU or whatever it is. There should be no reason to do so but I worry about all sorts of things and my tummy is really playing up right now.

Another few days of blind panic…………………….

Productive day

March 14th, 2009

I have been very busy today! Up early and into town, got both mothers day pressies and cards, quick shop round asda and back home. As hubby is away this week thought I would blitz the house, you know those jobs you hate doing but really need doing! Done most of upstairs and will potter around downstairs tomorrow. I do voluntary work on Sundays with the RSPCA so that is “my” day and I really enjoy it too.

Got the pin for my new shiny Co-op card so at least I have access to my cash! Got a stack of paperwork to sort out, ok bit of an exaggeration there but I am anal about paperwork, too much so at times. That was on this weekend’s list but will take my time.

Now there is a difference from a month ago……….I would have worn myself out doing everything, not completing it and then getting angry with myself. Loads of time really, so much more relaxed.

Caught up with a very good friend who said I look so much happier and relaxed, it was great to see! I know we may end up with an IPA/IPO/whatever it is but hopefully not too much of one. I promised hubby I would sort his paperwork out ready for his interview and I need to do the income and expenditure properly, which means sorting out new insurances for the dogs, death mortgage insurance and some other bits.

We also have a joint bank account for the first time in our lives………..that feels very wierd!

It has been a good day today.

1 step

Very long week

March 13th, 2009

I was back at work Monday and also had a first aid course which was intense. I passed (just as well as I have been doing that for quite a while!) but also had to squeeze some hours in for work.

We now have our co-op cards (yay) but no pin (boo) and i will spend tomorrow sorting out direct debits and a spreadsheet for our new I & E.

The relief is amazing I am much more calmer. I wouldnt say laid back as that just isnt me, but def happier! The phone calls have also stopped but I think that is due to a dispute we have with BT and they cut us off for a bit.

As I have been up since 5.30am I dont think I will be up very late!

I will post more tomorrow……..

Take care

1 step

There I am!

March 5th, 2009

It is all starting to sink in now. Had 2 calls from Alliance (one snotty one okish) and 1 from Monument. They were fine actually.

Felt all over the place last night and a bit overwhelmed and guilty that I have let down myself and my creditors. Received a large envelope from the OR today but as they dont need their stuff until April 1st (is this an omen??) I will leave it for now.

I am very tired right now but have been out in the garden all day (playing in the mud) and am very hungry so will have to cook something soon. If I dont eat properly I get very ratty and emotional……….but really hate having to stop what I am doing just to make something to eat.

I know the end is not in sight but at least it is a wee bit closer for now. The people I have told about BR have been brilliant and were more interested in the actual process itself BUT I could never tell my parents. We have only recently started to build bridges and if I tell them they would be so angry and disappointed with me, and disgusted too. So that is something I will have to bear. Shame really but telling them just isnt worth the grief. Hubby’s parents were ok-ish but I think their generation looks upon BR as something terrible, disgusting, you name it, its bad.

So anyone who says BR is easy………………………no it isnt!!!!!

What a journey!

March 4th, 2009

Looking back a year ago I was doing 2 jobs, trying to juggle everything and make ends meet. It was an automatic “no” if anyone said “can we have/that looks nice/I need” as I was petrified we would run out of money too soon. We invariably did and the last 2 weeks of the pay month were scrimping for just about everything. Hubby was up and down work wise, we were stung for 2 lots of assurance (critical illnes, death stuff, unemployment) for the mortgage and I spent ages on websites trying to find ways to save money on just about everything. Oddly enough I spent even more doing so and felt in a blind panic all the time. Trying to run faster and faster both at work and home and feeling like a hamster in a great big wheel going absolutely nowhere.

Then I contacted payplan in October and after lots of calls an iva was suggested, so I went all guns blazing for that. We decided that the iva would be sorted out and then we would do a dmp for hubby……….it was always at the back of my mind churning away and when it was declined 6th jan I was lost. The declining reason was that the creditors saw 2 lots of life assurance going out and wanted the money from one. At that point hubby was bringing in even less money and several things were cancelled – both assurances being one! Rather a snotty call from the chap from the IVA saying we should have redone our I andE to which I replied that circumstances had changed very quickly so there was no time.

We then decided on a joint dmp and Payplan lost my paperwork! It happens and although I was furious at the time was very very professional with them………until I was sent all the wrong figures and wrong names, oh you name it, it went wrong.

On top of this I lost both my grandparents within 6 weeks, Xmas was fairly good but I felt as though “we had not made much of an effort” and was glad to get back to work. In Feb I had to put one of my dogs to sleep which really upset me and although work was great the stress was really getting to me and one individual was really getting under my skin!!!!!

It had been suggested to me by a great friend about bankruptcy but at that time I felt a resounding NO. I read page after page on a lot of forums about it and thought, well, perhaps we should look into it.

After the Payplan fiasco we went to see a lovely lady from an Insolvancy Practioner who went through everything and said the iva was the worst she had ever seen and that we were perfect for bankruptcy. She answered our million questions and said that the consultation was free but if we felt we needed her help going forward there would be a charge.

We decided to do it ourselves and even joked about how farwe were percentage wise on line! The court date was 3rd March and armed with everything went in………………they were lovely and friendly, had a quick call with a human OR and we have our phone call interviews at the end of this month and beginning of April.

Then we went to open a new bank account and my god did we feel like lepers! That brought us down and we came home after a few hours and decided to leave it all for a day or so, to relax and sleep.

Today I feel…………….odd. Liberated, more relaxed and not like I am continously trying to run faster. There will be times when things will be difficult but today – hubby left me a coffee for when I woke up, the dogs are very happy crunching on bones and even the sun has come out. Things havent stopped dead but are a more relaxed journey.

I will keep blogging, not every day but as and when, if I try to do too much I will feel under pressure and can do without that!

Take care,

1 Step xx